A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
