Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
