He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
