i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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