spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
