You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
