3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
