I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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