you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
