pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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