At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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