nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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