Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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