Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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