I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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