To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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