ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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