can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize