Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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