Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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