my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
