Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
