how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
