They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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