i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
