so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
