my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
