he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The Olympian is in my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize