dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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