i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
