Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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