I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
