didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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