a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
