i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
