I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
