she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
