Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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