apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry about my life...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
