i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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