ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
