Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sober January is a disaster.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize