Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
