You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
