What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
