if you like me you must not know who I am
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
