The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
