you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
