I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
