She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
