Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
