Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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