"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
