Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
