the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
