ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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