I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize