you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
