i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize