textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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