it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
