May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
