420 ftw
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
