You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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