What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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